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Caroline speaks

Caroline’s first words were Mama and Dada.  Very sweet.  Now, she says over 20 words adding cat, dog, puppy, bottle, shoe, sock, book, ball, block, juice, no, yeah, wow, uh oh, yum, up, down, Hello, Bye Bye, Grandpa.

Recently, she has just moved on to a couple of 2 word sentences.  In the past, it was only “Up, Mama.”  “Down, Mama.”  Now, she has two sentences that are not commands.

“Who’s that”

This sentence started in the bank one day.  Daniel and I were at the teller window, when suddenly Caroline points to the teller and says “Who’s that?”

“That’s the teller,” I replied, “She is helping us.”

She then pointed to the people in line behind us and happily shouted, “Who’s that?”

“Those are people waiting in line.  Now, stop pointing.  It’s rude.”

This morning, she was pointing at her Grandpa, and asking “Who’s that?”

 This first real question is a bit rude, but I was very impressed when it came out of her mouth.

The second sentence- “I know.” 

The first time she said this, I was getting up off the floor.  My back was aching from carrying her around all day and playing on the floor with her, and I exclaimed, “I’m old!”

Caroline happily replied, “I know!”

Again, kind of rude, but I was floored when it came out of her mouth.  “Did she just say ‘I know’?”

My only consolation is that she did the same thing to Daniel when he said that he was old.  ;)

So, basically, my daughter is a busybody who wants to know everyone’s business and who enjoys pointing out the faults of others.  Clearly, I am a success as a parent.

Life Books

If you are not familiar with the concept of a life book, here is a link with a good description- http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/adopt/life-books.html

Basically, a lifebook  is usually a book that documents a child’s story from birth until whenever the writer decides to stop; it is often created for an adopted child.  Usually told in first person from the child’s perspective, the life book is supposed to open the door to discussion about the child’s adoption and help him/her answer some questions about his/her birth and adoption.

Most of the time, it is done with scrap-booking materials.  Some people add to the life book forever, adding pages at major milestones.  While I do think this was the original intention of life books (since the life book was developed for children in foster care so the children could have something permanent, even if they were bounced from home to home) and I do think that it is very sweet and special to take this approach, I know that I am simply not organized enough to go this route. 

One thing you have to understand about me is that I rather loathe arts and crafts.  I do not draw well; I do not scrapbook well; I do not sew well; I do not do anything “handy” well.  I am simply too impatient for all the visual detail work that is involved.  I can spend hours studying a poem or an essay or a song or a scene in a play or movie, mulling over the words again and again, but I absolutely cannot stare at a drawing or a scrapbook page or a cross stitch pattern for the length of time necessary to developing a finished  product.  I just can’t do it.  I have tried many times, and I have failed miserably each time.

So, what is one to do when it comes time to develop a life book for one’s child?  Why, turn to Snapfish, of course.  ;)

Apparently, I can make a hardcover coffee table style photo book using pre-formatted layouts and choosing from a number of backgrounds without ever having to attempt to cut a straight line or glue anything “just so” or frustrate myself with choosing the right borders and stickers.  Hallelujah.

So,  I have spent the last few days working on Caroline’s Life Book on Snapfish, and I am now satisfied with the 34 page book that I have created and have ordered it.   I’ll have to take some pictures and post them when I receive the book.  I’m hoping that it really will look polished and lovely and be something that Caroline can treasure for years to come.

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I’m not sure how many parts this will ultimately have, but I feel like writing a second one right now.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Yahoo Chat groups
The adoption community is out, in force, online. You can find a Yahoo Chat group for every type of adoption situation.
The Good- This can be a valuable resource for information when researching agencies. You will find that you get a lot more information through one on one email than through searching the archives. People have been sued by adoption agencies for discussing their own negative experience with the organization in Yahoo Chat groups, so you will need to make requests for information via personal email. However, sometimes you can read between the lines when searching the archives on a particular person or agency. Also, the folks on these groups are going through or have gone through what you are going through, so they can be an excellent support group.
The Bad- The Chat groups can get rather catty at times. Discussions can get rather heated, and sometimes it is depressing to read. Also, panic seems to spread very easily in these groups. So, sometimes, the groups can aggrevate an all ready stressed out PAP or AP. I know that I had multiple periods where I had to stop reading the group. I also had a few groups that turned out to be too close to an “anti-adoption” stance for my beliefs, and I quite them quite quickly.
The Ugly- As an outsider looking in at adoption, you would have pretty much no idea that there is an anti-adoption movement. I know that I had never heard of someone being “anti-adoption.” Honestly, the idea seemed ridiculous to me at first. However, further research will reveal the number of systemic problems with how adoptions have been conducted, both domestically and internationally. As discussed in part 1, a number of ethical discrepencies can arise. Some people feel that unless all adoptions can be completed ethically, then no adoptions should occur. While I can definitely understand this viewpoint after reading a number of adoption horror stories, it is not one with which I agree. I recognize that ethical issues may occur in any adoption, and I recognize that it is incredibly difficult to ensure that you are working only with the most ethical people who are ultimately looking out for the best interest of the children. I also recognize that there is a great need for reform in adoption. The problems stem from how adoption is set up in the United States, and, internationally, how children and family services are treated in poorer nations. Yet, I clearly do not believe that that it is impossible to find ethical agencies and ethical child and family service workers. In fact, I would guess that the majority of agencies and children and family service workers are interested only in providing homes for children who need them, even if they do not necessarily pass all of my “sniff” tests. Therefore, I certainly could not deny a home to a child who genuinely needs one by taking an anti-adoption stance. That being said, this is why, as I stated previously, thorough and detailed RESEARCH is extremely important. It should be difficult, and it should take a long time, and you should have to get help with it, and it should be continuous.

Hey, I didn’t say adoption was easy. After 9 months of research, when my husband and I actually started down the journey towards adoption, I decided that I would have to become an adoption advocate by not just advocating for adoption as a concept, but by actually taking the time to learn about the mirad of issues associated with adoption and by doing what I can to fight for ethical adoptions that provide homes for children. My research was continuous, and a bit obsessive, during the remaining 18 months on my journey to adopt my daughter. My research is still continuous; however, I admit that I have slowed down a good bit… having a demanding job and an active toddler will do that.

Ok, I still have more to say, but this will have to do for part 2. So, I guess there will be a part 3.

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